


We Are But Dust And Shadow

by castronomicaaal



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 21:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castronomicaaal/pseuds/castronomicaaal
Summary: Peter and Bucky discuss their time spent dead.





	We Are But Dust And Shadow

Peter Parker rests on the living room couch in Avengers Tower, body splayed out beneath a blanket. Mindless television plays on in the background, though Peter is far too busy thinking to really hear it.

He still feels…wrong. Something just isn’t settling right. These feelings cause the pit of his stomach to flutter uneasily. It’s been this way since the incident, since Peter survived death.

It feels almost as though the dust is still choking him, clinging to his frame in a vice grip for his life. He knows he’s safe now, home, but it doesn’t feel the way it did before.

“Ahem.”

Peter is pulled from his frantic thinking by a cough. He quickly turns and meets gazes with Bucky, who’s staring at him cautiously.

“Mind if I sit? Not much else to do around here these days.”

Both currently rest with idle hands, still on leave of duty.

Peter nods, watching the older man with a careful gaze as he takes a seat. Bucky can feel Peter’s eyes on him and he turns towards the young man with an upturned brow,

Peter shrugs slightly, face tinged red at being caught staring. He bites his lower lip and runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “Can I ask you something kinda personal?”

Bucky’s brow raises further as he seems to contemplate the question. Eventually he shrugs noncommittally.

Peter bites at his lower lip. “You ever feel out of control? Like your body isn’t your own?”

The older male stares pointedly back and just as suddenly it hits Peter; Hydra. He wasn’t thinking, of course Bucky has felt like that before. He blushes further, eyes wide.

“I’m so sorry! Gosh, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, punk. Doesn’t bother me so much these days.” Bucky attempts a small smile, though it looks like more of a grimace.

Peter nods understandingly, pushing forward. “I just mean, after the _incident_. We both, ya know…died. Do you feel different now? To be honest, I do.”

He’s not sure what’s making him open up to Bucky of all people, just knows it’s easier to talk to someone who’s been there, too. Tony keeps trying to bring it up with Peter, much to the young boys chagrin. He just doesn’t get it, not really, as much as he tries. Bucky though? He went through it too. Maybe he’ll understand.

Bucky sits there silently for a few moments, taking in Peter’s words. Eventually he sighs, swiping his hair back behind his ear. “Yeah,” he offers. “I get it. I mean, the world’s changed, hasn’t it? It’s like it’s spinning differently or something. Somethings off.”

Peter releases the breath he hadn’t realized he’s been holding. “Exactly! And it feels like all it’ll take is a small gust of wind to blow us back into nothingness.”

To his surprise, Bucky shudders, knuckles clamping up tightly. “I’m not going back,” he promises. “Peter, we’re not going back. To dust. To emptiness. We won’t.”

Peter licks at his dry lips, nodding. “Hey,” he pauses, standing. He tosses the blanket aside before walking forward, hands tentatively finding Bucky’s own. To his relief, the older male doesn’t pull away. “We won’t.” He assures.

He’s beginning to regret saying anything. Maybe Bucky isn’t as emotionally recovered from his past as Peter once assumed, if the way he is shaking beneath his touch is any indication.

“Do you need something, Buck? Should I go get Steve? I can go get-”

“Stay.” Bucky cuts in, eyes widening. “Don’t leave. Not right now.”

“Okay, okay.” Peter reassures the older male, gripping his hand tighter. Bucky’s grip is just as strong.

Peter doesn’t do much else, just squeezes the older males hand reassuringly every so often, leaves a careful eye on him. Eventually Bucky calms down, his breathing evening out, and that’s when Peter realizes he must have had a panic attack. He remembers vividly having them after Uncle Ben died. He shakes the thought, not wanting to break down himself.

“I’m okay,” Bucky finally responds, breathing out forcefully. He pulls his hand back just as suddenly, looking uncomfortable as ever. His gaze leaves Peter’s and a frown develops.

Peter tries not to let his hurt show. After all, he’d probably be embarrassed right now too, were he in Bucky’s situation. Instead he smiles reassuringly before standing and making his way back to the couch.

“Wanna watch some TV or something? I think I saw Die Hard on earlier.” Peter wonders.

Bucky finally returns his stare, eventually nodding. “Sure.”

The two sit in comfortable silence the remainder of the night.

Peter finds himself wondering if anyone knows just how badly the incident has messed with Bucky’s head. Should he tell Steve, Tony even? He isn’t sure and, for now, settles into his seat, eyes falling back and forth between the television and Bucky.

Maybe he isn’t so alone in this after all.


End file.
